The Red Rocket Thunder Devil Gun!

Well, you were right. And you know who you are. I did take the hit. But you were partially wrong. There was no peer pressure. No one cussed me out. They only asked the group twice. And for some unknown reason, I did it. Perhaps to prove you wrong as normally you have me pegged.

Yesterday at work, I was scheduled to be trained on use of the TASER device. I think that RED ROCKET THUNDER DEVIL DANCER GUN is a more appropriate name. As I sat in the training I listened to the instructor offer out the "voluntary exposure" to us as class members, I suddenly became very curious. As they say, curiousity killed the cat. I had to feel what this TASER actually was. I wanted to taste it. Life is made up of experiences you know. I'm like the Wolf in the henhouse wanting a taste of that sweet chicken. So, as the group left to meander over to the "room" where the Hell would be unleashed, under no ones pressure I began seriously contemplating taking this "voluntary exposure." I decided I would head out for a smoke and think this thing over briefly. I stepped outside, lit one up, and began thinking of my "mission statement" on my blog which is to "suck the marrow out of life" and said, "you gotta do it man." I puffed that cig down, jumped on the elevator, and began taking off my belt and vest. I saw some surprised looks on people's faces as I burst into the DT room wearing my white undershirt. I was ready for the pain.

I was sweating and pacing. I watched several others take the 5 second ride of thunder and began to question what I was thinking and if I had the personal strength to follow through with it. Next thing I knew, I was lunging to the front of the onlookers and being supported by two others under my armpits. As I faced away I heard a deep voice say, "you ready Jitters?" I replied I was and the next thing I heard was "TASER, TASER, TASER!" A quick pop, a feeling of a slight impact as the barbs stuck into my flesh, and then........

Sweet Jehosaphat! I

I SANG LIKE A TENOR! I think I said STOP! four hundred ninety three times. I must say the only way to explain it was as though someone shoved an electric charged broomstick into my ass and pulled the trigger while I was standing in 6' of water. I wanted it to stop, this wretched thing I felt rocketing through my body. My ass and leg and muscles felt like somebody had launched a barrage of bombs inside them......I hung on as I continued to yell STOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP until the five seconds (which felt like 25 seconds) was over. The pain was immediately gone.....Wow.

My advice to all is, if you see this on a Cop's belt,

FOLLOW DIRECTIONS VERY CAREFULLY!

For those who have never experienced this and think I may be exhibiting signs of being a puscus, watch this video of a 1500 lb bull getting thrown on its ass!

http://www.taser.com/law/videos04.htm

This incident was videotaped and I can't wait to get a copy! 5 seconds of 50,000 volts....

(I must admit that a contributing factor to taking the TASER was that perhaps I would stop being jittery and maybe it would clear the gnats out of my head. It didn't work)