Big Bucks!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
OFFICER DOWN AT THE BIG GAME!
Today was the big Memorial Day North Vs South softball game.....90 PLUS DEGREES!
Pre-game discussions......
Less than a couple HOT innings into it, WE HAD AN OFFICER DOWN! The Honorable Ice Princess took a HOT SCREAMER to the eye socket out in center rover field on a nasty hop ....She was wisked away for stitches and out of the game....... :-(
TEAM-T at bat.......
The final score, 22 dehydrated near heat exhaustion popo, one Officer sittin in the med clinic gettin stitched up, one Officer pouting cuz his partner wasn't at the game........and a TIE! 33 TO 33. We will carry the title until next year as this was a draw after 7 innings.......
Sunday, May 28, 2006
The Sky Was Falling......
Logged over 20+ calls tonite......The sky is falling! Felt quite unnattached from the 105 things going on....
The sky was falling.......but I did manage to get stretched out for the big game tomorrow.....More to follow on that....
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Wisdom
For all who come to almostgunlakers for a laugh, can I give you some advice and quips of wisdom I've heard over the years?
#1.Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight!
#2.Smile. It makes people wonder what you're thinking.
#3.This won't hurt. I promise.
#4.It's always the quiet ones that have the two dozen corpses in their basements.
#5.In any married couple, both members think that they will be the first one to die, which means that at least 50% of the people will be wrong.
#6.If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.
It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.
I have learned one thing in life......Stuff breaks constantly...
I sometimes feel like I'm driving a sinking ship.....Shit is breaking constantly.......
Doorknobs,
Trucksters,
Couches,
Cabinet knobs,
Dishwashers (still hasn't moved)
Dryers,
Lamps,
Many of said above listed items broken because of CHILDREN.....
Some not...like walls(from going to Bob's)
I mean, how many fingers does a guy have to stick in the leaky dam????
SHRINERS!!!!SHRINERS GALORE!
This time of year I can't help but first of think of the ultimate sacrifice that all of our honored service men and women have made for our freedom. God bless each one and God bless America!
I also have another thought in my head,
SHRINERS!!!!!!
The Shriners are the last well-dressed non-fashionable men in America. 
Senior citizens who are keeping themselves together without fanny packs and sweatsuits. Instead of spending their time in adult diapers in front of slot machines at casinos, they're practicing complicated stunts on scooters. 
What can I say......These are the 105lb overweight guys with rolls blowin' out the sides of their shirts, that good ol' shiny pin laden hat and tassels who are RIP ROARING ABOUT 4 INCHES FROM YOUR KIDS WHIPPING CANDY AT THEIR HEAD!
All kidding aside.......The Shriners have done so much good raising money for kids in medical need and I respect them......but they are hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Folks, ya gotta catch the little things in life.........at any one time there are 72 things happening right in front of your face and 33 happening behind you.....
Don't miss out on shit like the SHRINERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Don't think you're the only one - deep down in our hearts, we all dream of being a Shriner.
Wearing a cool hat and driving a tiny car sounds like nice work if you can get it.
Monday, May 22, 2006
"Sawz-alls" and Dinky Bass
Took a one day fishing retreat with the "BIG KAHUNAS"......
Fishing report:TERRIBLE...several dink bass.....but a good time was had by all....
Just another day at "the office"....... 
Sidenote: The ol TEAM-T Family Truckster decided to break down one day before I was supposed to leave for this little trip......Had to put in a new heater core....Never underestimate the applicability of a "sawz-all" in a mechanics arsenal of tools.....
QUESTION FOR YA:have you ever taken the dash of a van completely off? NOT FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
IN NEED OF MEDICINE!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
THE CURRENT TEAM T HQ
Sappy night....
Tonight, as me and the son listened to some ol' depressing Merle Haggard and touched off a couple of Busch Lights, I remembered a nice tune about peace, love, security.......here it is: 
It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old mr. webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all.
THREE QUOTES OF WISDOM FOR THE DAY....
"WE ARE BORN NAKED,WET, AND HUNGRY. THEN THINGS GET WORSE."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."
-- Mark Twain. American humorist, writer and lecturer, 1835-1910
If I do any sailing, I'll be wearing a life jacket!-jitters 1975-?
DANDELIONS, DISHWASHERS, AND DISAPPOINTING MY NEIGHBORS.....
As I tooled around the yard today on my 1986 Sears Riding Lawn Mower....
I found some real irony........Who the hell ever named these things "dandelions"
........There is nothing dandy about them! They sure make it hard to keep up with the JONES'.......I noticed my neighbor has the following head start on me with his lawn this year:
1.He rented some type of machine that takes out tiny plugs of grass and soil TO MAKE MY LAWN LOOK LIKE BEACH GRASS IN COMPARISON.
2. He raked it thoroughly from two directions with a weighted SCOTT'S TURFBUILDER landscape tine rake.
3. He's been sprinkling on odd days since we live on the odd side of the road...(the ban isn't in effect but I think it helps him feel better about himself like he's living up to some magic code of standards that I'm not.)
4. He has the items on his back porch organized in alphabetical order, i.e. small letters nearest to the northwest corner of the house...
5. He never has shit laying in his yard, and I mean never...
And did you know that----->>>Neil Smith of Montverde, Florida, invented the riding lawn mower in 1933.
Hold on a second, I think I had something going with this whole disappointing the neighbor theme.....Its just that sometimes I wonder if the neighbor looks over at my house at certain times and thinks, "MAN THAT GUY HAS A LOT OF SHIT IN HIS YARD.." I feel like sometimes I'm a real disappointment to my neighbors.
I often stand puzzled as I see the tidy little couple come home from work, back their cars in the garage, and I mean their garage is so organized it makes me sick....I feel like I'm just trying to keep the 1986 Sears mower running so I can keep the lawn cut and not have to call in a NAPALM strike since its too thick to even walk in.....and this guy is putting grease in the bearing on his wheelbarrow and storing it upside down on a concrete surface like the manufacturer recommends in the booklet I threw away....I got a feeling he has the booklet in a large ziploc bag for the wheelbarrow hanging on a nail in his garage....
His wheelbarrow in proper storage position..
My wheelbarrow collecting water in the rain and producing a good case of dry rot on the tire...Full of clothes I've been planning on giving to goodwill since highschool...
DISHWASHERS....... 
I took this baby out of my house when I bought a new one about a year ago......I put it in my pole barn and recently decided that if I moved it outside of the pole barn perhaps I would figure what the hell I'm gonna do with it.....
and there it sits......what a dishwasher disappointment.....ha!
I also noticed while surveying his yard from my property that we have some organizational differences such as pre-emptive maintenance on outdoor items.....
This guy has his air conditioner wrapped in a heat reflective and uv light resistant custom cover tied down by not less than four weather resistant polymer bungee straps......and one is attached to a zylon string sinched so tight around the cover and connected to a stake in the ground at a 45 degree angle.....I mean come on! 
His anal air conditioner...
Mine....As it looked all winter,,,,uncovered, untouched, and if it doesn't work when it gets hot, I'm gonna disconnect it and drag it 30 yards over to the dishwasher.......
The problem with these appliances is the garbage man won't take em, I can't burn em, or can I? I mean I know the State Police burns guns every year to destroy them so perhaps I'll have to work on that idea..... 
I also couldn't help but notice while trespassing that his back deck is very very very organized.....Looks like these are in perfect alphabetical order to be stored at a later date.....In a well sun exposed area as to prevent rust/decay....
So what next.........Well TEAM T is diggin in my heels and I'm making preparations for a FULL SCALE YARD WAR! I am happy to report I have done the following items to kick it off......
1. I bought a 105 yard roll of high tech professional landscaper's 8 sided WEED WHIPPER trimmer cord....And mounted it on my whipper beast!
2. I may not be able to afford the Scott's Professional Sissy Yard Builder Turf Stroker Rake but I did buy the SCOTT'S Super Turf Builder Formula with dandy-dead-dandelion killer and SUPER BROADLEAF WEED CONTROL.... 
3. I went ahead and repaired several damaged underground sprinkler heads and upgraded to a STAINLESS STEEL FROST/FREEZE RESISTANT 14" LONG 1/8 TURN ON/OFF SILLCOCK SPIGOT on his side of the property......OH YEAH!
Just screwing that thing onto the mainline of my water system made me feel like a dog lifting his leg and marking a spot on the side of a another dogs doghouse as they were locked in it! Take that!
4. I waited until just before the rain to fire up the TEAM T 1986 White Trash Yardwhacker (c) Riding Lawn Mower with defective exhaust and lowered that blade right on down.......I mowed it nice and tight and now he has to wait until the rain quits tomorrow to cut down his lawn! 
HERE IS A PHOTO OF MY SIDE YARD AND THE SWATH THE YARDWHACKER LEFT BEHIND....NICE AND TIGHT!
5. Not to mention that my dandelions have spread into what he probably refers to as QUADRANT A46B of his front yard...Sure hope they don't spread over his whole lawn with a nice southwest breeze.....At least we don't get many sw winds (the predominant wind of west Michigan)!
6. A critical part of any land campaign is FLEET PREPARATION! I went to the filling station and filled every can I own! Here is a photo of the TEAM T YARD WAR FLEET! 
BRING IT ON BUDDY! YOU WON'T BE SEEING THIS EVER AGAIN!
I'll be keeping you updated on OPERATION ANAL YARDMAN LIBERATION!
WORK AWARD SUPPER......FANCY!
Today was a real treat........A fancy work award dinner at the AMWAY GRAND PLAZA HOTEl. 
I shook hands and talked with so many people I never see, .....
You know, I had about 105 things on my mind....couldn't seem to shake em.....I really tried to focus and enjoy what was happening but was severely sidetracked.....
It was a beautiful presentation......AN ICY ROMAINE LETTUCE SALAD WITH HOMEADE BLUE CHEESE VINEGRATTE DRESSING, followed by PAN SEARED WALLEYE WITH HAGENZDASEN SAUCE (OR WAS IT DINKLESVAGEN?)and then a taaaaaasty crepe drizzled with chocolato sauce.......and RIP ROARING ASS AWESOME COFFEE......
the luxuriously sexy Pantlind Balllllroom.....I was informed tonight she's held several past and recent USA Presidents.....needless to say this ol Barry County Hillbilly seemed out of place....... 
BUT I DIDN'T LOOK OUT OF PLACE! I would have you know that this suit is the same one I wore for my interview when I got hired 8 years ago......
I had to concentrate on my weight for about a couple o' weeks to get back into fightin' shape to fit in this baby! I bought it at the now defunct ROGER'S DEPARTMENT STORE......Man did they have good service.......Hand Tailoring.....
Listening to trailer tell how he learned that Turkey Hunting on Mother's Day is not a good idea.......
Laughing as he showed me the "raincheck" he got his wife for Mother's Day for a 19 dollar birdfeeder with lights on it?
Me and Mrs TEAMT then stopped for a refreshing beverage at O'Tool'es.....
As we left, we ran into several couples from work and stayed just long enough to have J. Garrettio spill his beer on my 8 year old suit......I'm just so happy I didn't kick out the footlights accidentally or fall onstage tonight!
Anyone that knows me will know that I really had to concentrate on maintaining composure and not laying my napkin on any burning candles or knocking over the ice sculpture display and getting impaled with the tusk on the seal..... 
I received an award onstage tonight.....I wanted to be unique and knew that as a runner up I wouldn't be allotted time to speak......So.........
As I got up to the boss, onstage, instead of shaking his hand.......I stopped two foot short of his hand, click clacked my heels together.....tightened my posture, and snapped a beautiful three point salute to my eyebrow!........I held my stiff pose, Knowing I had drawn the rooms attention and was taking a chance on being severely embarrased if he didn't respond........He paused only briefly, snapped his heels together, and snapped a salute back at me!!!.........It was beautiful!
His final words to the crowd were, "Thank you all for your dedication to the citizens of our city, you have done well." He then began to step away from the microphone but turned right back toward it and said, "GOODNIGHT JITTERS!"
Goodnight boss....
And yes I really do drive with my leg/foot up on the windowsill.....What can I say, I'm flexible!
I arrived home to show the son my new plaque.....He approved.....
In closing, I tasted HARD WORK today..........Remember the "lost legacy" post I made about hard work? Well,
I TASTED HARD WORK TODAY, AND IT WAS ABSOLUTELY MAGNIFICENTLY DELICIOUS!