An Awakening

As I sit here tonight, I smile softly as I ponder how I have changed.....At 32 years old, I am taken back some and puzzled as to why I feel the emotion that I do....It is almost unbelievable to me how my heart has softened over the years.....

How did it happen? What penetrated my heart and began to break its hardness down? Is it the beautiful family and wife I have? The small patter of footsteps running through our home? Is it the soft embrace of my wife and the warm feeling I get when I make the final turn down the road and see my home punching into the skyline? Perhaps it could be the outpouring of good blessing poured into my cup? Oh how God has blessed me....

I still am perplexed. Why is it that only now I have begun to see I have been blessed all along? I have a wonderful job....Not perfect, but wonderful. Six people survive off the check I get every two weeks. What happened, I ask you?

Well, in almostgunlaker fashion, HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED!

As I drove home just an early morning ago, I opened a small white envelope that was placed in my mailbox at work.....Let me tell you that this is the first time in my life this has happened....What I'm going to tell you that is....

As my hands roughly tore open the envelope and the contents spilled out, I first cussed in anger as I always am so clutsy......I reached down toward the floor of my decaying old pickup truck trying to reach whatever fell out......Exasberated, I spied an exit ramp just seconds ahead of me and turned off...I knew that surely it was impossible to maintain course in this old rotting, rusting truck and focus on locating the lost object....So I ramped off. I stopped about midway up the ramp, and tried to collect myself....I have this ongoing struggle with wanting to get upset when confronting the constant resistance life throws in my path. So I paused, took a deep breath, and a long pull from the Marlboro Red softly imparting a glow in the small cab of my truck. I reached down and twisted the round interior light switch.....Nothing.....I flicked it off, then back on again....Still nothing....Another long pull off the cigarette....

I reached down into the guts of the now dismantled driver door and located the rod which used to connect to the broken door handle and gave it a swift yank. The door popped open and I stepped out. I placed my feet down in the slushy shoulder of the road and began reaching down toward the floor looking for whatever was in the blasted envelope which fell onto the floor. As I stood half inside my truck fumbling through the underside of my driver's seat exhaling the smoke of the nearly spent cigarette, I saw a car rapidly descending on my ass.....And BLAMMO

On came the familiar rotating red beacon and slow alternating headlights of a Michigan State Police Car...Just as I saw the blue goose slowing behind me and the large spotlight of the cruiser flick on with several thousand candlepower, my hand emerged from under the seat holding two 3x5 glossy prints. I immediately looked down in the warm glow of my now illuminated self and saw a picture of something I saw for the first time...I mean really saw for the first time....

What took so long? Why an awakening at 5:41am on a snowy cold morning? How have I missed this?

"Goodmorning sir. I stopped you because you have no taillights. Do you have your.....Jitters?"

"Hey there Hank, how have ya been?" I replied.

"What are you doing?" The old State Trooper asked as he giggled.

"Well, I dropped some stuff in my truck on the floor. And my interior lights don't work. I pulled over here so I didn't flip this old rolling junk bomb of a truck." I retorted.

"You still undercover?" He asked as he measured the entire body of my rust bomb Commanche with his eyes.

"Ha.....No, this is my work truck." I stopped, glanced at the photo again. And this was the moment this entire post is about....

As I looked at the picture from the work Christmas party, I remarked at the precious setting....Me and my four girls and wife with Santa...All smiling and together.....

I realized how blessed I was. How I was the father of four, yes four, precious little girls....I And how I have a beautiful wife. A woman who longs for my company......Four beautiful little girls that light up when they see me come in the door....And how silly I was to be angered when I didn't get "my boy." How I had resided in what most of the poor in the city I work would consider to be a palace.....

I glanced back up at the Trooper and said, "I will never forget this moment, Hank. Never."

"Why's that Jitters?" He asked as the cars went whooshing by.

"I am so blessed Hank. And I just figured it out. And by the way Hank, this is my ONLY truck. Not just my work truck."

He looked at me, quite puzzled. "Merry Christmas Jitters."

"Merry Christmas Hank. Be safe."

As I saw the salty old man pull away, I sat motionless and stared at the photo by the light of my Bic lighter....Motionless I sat.....

"Thank you God."